Hello! Spidey here, I ended up forgetting to continue updating after literally a week ago. I didn't know it'd been that long since I touched this thing again but now I'm in the mood to write again.
Things have been okay, I don't remember much as usual. But on the bright side I have a learner's permit test on Saturday which I have NOT studied for! Me and Danny are supposed to be studying later today, I hope all goes well with that. I love the guy, he's awesome.
But if you'll let me delve a little deeper into how I've been feeling for a moment, there are some of my friends which I miss and wanna spend more time with as of late! I have this kind of shitty habit of not being able to talk to people well in one-on-one convos or just straight up forgetting to reply to my dms. As a result, some of my friendships do crumble, which is fully my own fault of course. But I haven't talked to Rox in a hot minute, I kinda miss the guy he's cool to talk to. Oh well, one day, right?
Speaking of friends, I have been thinking about my views on friendship a lot. Especially in tandem with that awesome blog post Roxy put out, but yeah, I've been Thinking.
It honestly doesn't take a lot for me to consider someone a friend if we're cool with each other and do interact sometimes. I consider some people to be friends who I don't know if they'd hold that same view to me, LOL. But it's mainly because if I feel I really like someone then yeah, you're awesome, BE MY FRIEND!!! (If I'm man enough to start up a conversation, anyways.) Like I recently played some games of roblox with Box, I consider him to be a friend. He's cool and funny as fuck, I loved playing games with him and Jee. But my only fear is if people who I don't talk to too often don't consider me a friend or something, I dunno.
I love all of my friends, I love all of my friends of mine. They mean a lot to my tiny heart and I'm glad that I'm friends with all of my friends. I feel like a tiny baby typing all of this out.
I've also mainly just been using my private twitter as a means of letting out all of my funny and spur of the moment thoughts, but I've been wanting to like. Get off twitter Actually. I don't like the site, it's made me discover and become mutuals and/or friends with some great people who I admire, don't get me wrong. But every day I spend on it makes me not like being there more and more, even with a 6 hour time limit on the app (I still don't know how I rarely manage to hit the time limit, it's insane to me!) So I think I'd rather focus on my Bluesky or Tumblr instead since they don't make me want to rip my own hair out.
Speaking of hair, I got my hair done! It's been something I both like and don't like depending on my mood, but it kind of feels like my emotions have been going from big highs to big lows, I'm so dramatic I swear. Probably due in part to the fact that I've been having horrific headaches as of late which make me hate everything and everybody around me, but then they go away and I feel normal again. I've been too irritable, it's really funny the amount of small things which seem to annoy the shit out of me when they really don't matter. There's probably an underlying reason for that but I've got a job so idrc about allat rn.
I'm getting off topic. HAIR. My feelings about my hair kind of reflect my want to change in a sense. Which like. DUH. Wanting to change your hair IS wanting to change but that's not just it. I've really been wanting to cut my hair off again, or straighten it. I have a dream of having a red and black hair that's put into a pony tail, wearing some facial piercings, and having a bit of facial hair. That's the guy I wanna be, especially when I get older. My hair is a huge part of how I express myself, the colors, the length, the type of hair I do, etc. That's why I really like doing crochet or weaves, it's like infinite amounts of customization for your hair and ways of styling it or expressing yourself to the world. Sometimes I'm feeling like keeping it curly, like I'm from the sixties trying to channel my inner Jackson 5. Other times I wanna make it straight like I'm some edgelord scene dude from the 2000s, wearing all of the dark clothing and making everything baggy. Hair is a lot of things, I love my hair. But I kind of feel like being restricted in how I'm allowed to get my hair done also restricts me fully, y'know? I can't get locs, cut it short, I'm not allowed to hair it past a certain length, I'm not allowed have colors that aren't burgundy, orange, or black. I remember wayyy back when I had rainbow cornrows done by my aunt, and I was so happy. But my mom was absolutely PISSED. It's kind of silly looking back on it since it wasn't anything too bad, but I guess the color was too Out There for her tastes. Oh well. I'd think that now that I'm older, she's more lenient about that type of stuff. But you never know with her, haha.
I wanna teach myself how to do my own hair so I have full control over it. There's so many things I could do with it I never got the chance to! I've always wanted to try a blonde fro, my mom never allowed me to though since I've not allowed to have too much blonde in my hair. But it's something I really want to try, maybe for a Rose cosplay or something of that ilk. I've wanted to do racoon tails too, maybe with a yellow and black cheetah print pattern on it. I wanna do a bats' nest, I wanna try locking my hair, I wanna try everything. There's so much I haven't done that I want to do, and I really want to just do everything before I die. I think in a way I have roxy to thank for that perspective on life, she's awesome. I mean when I was younger I never knew if I'd make it to where I am now, because everything always felt so hopeless and suffocating. But now I kind of realize that I have to keep going because I have to be the person I've always wanted to be. I wanna live my years out to their fullest and not hold back. I don't think I can go just yet, because there's still so much hair to try out.
I think that's a nice note to leave this update on. This is malik, signing out! I'll see you when I see you.
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