3/19/25, Rosemary Sucks. (Also I Lied.)

Guten tag friends, friendettes, and frixnds! Today's (and the last updates) blog titles were both given to me by the lovely Rose. Thanks Rose, they're great and not at all suicide inducing. Right off the bat I said today that I wanted to talk about negative friendship experiences I had, and technically I didn't lie about that in the sense that I drafted out a post and wrote everything. There's just ooooone problem: I did not have fun writing it at all. Like, it made me feel really shitty to think about bad friendship experiences, even if I tried to put it in a humorous manner. Who would've thunk it! So that's probably gonna go into the vault never to see the light of day again unless I decide to revisit and rewrite it. Oh well, rest well my sweet. One day you might see the light of heaven. But otherwise, here's how things have been going...

For one, I think my ID slipped out of my phone case on the bus ride to school, so I'll probably have to get it replaced. It's funny because I was considering carrying five bucks on me today to go shopping after school. But I didn't cause I was like "I eat too much unhealthy food as it is, I think I can skip the trip to Wendy's after school today." and then I realize I lost my ID and now I need a replacement. And you're never gonna believe how much a replacement ID costs. Never. I actually hate my life. But I'll get a replacement tomorrow to quell my worries about going to school ID-less. On that note, I also gotta get a new phone case. The one I'm currently relying on is pretty much on it's last limb at this point, I swear. My mom and sibling keep making fun of me for it and I can't even be mad cause it looks like shit. 

I also can't wait for my learner's permit to arrive in the mail. Actually, scratch that. I can. I definitely can. The picture I took for it is like awful dude, I don't even wanna think about it. Especially considering I didn't have my glasses on and I always look considerably better with my glasses. Besides when I don't, but that's rare. UGHH I need my permit already they should never make me wait for ANYTHING. Purrsonally I think I deserve to have everything handed to me on a silver platter because I'm simply godly.

But I've been getting into Remixes lately, specifically Tribe Called Quest remixes but also remixes as a whole. I really like a lot of the remixes off of this one Compilation album: Revised Quest for the Seasoned Traveller. 

NOTE: This album artwork sucks. Actually, it's not as bad as The Love Movement, just boring. 

ALMOST* all of the remixes in this album are bangers, my purrsonal favorite being the extended boilerhouse mix of Can I Kick It?  I really wanna make an extended extension of it and combine it with some parts of the original Can I Kick It? Instrumental. I think, I could make it good. You just have to trust me bro. Otherwise I really like the Bonita Applebum Hootie Mix (which is better than the original), Luck of Lucien Main Mix, If The Papes Come Remix, Pubic Enemy Saturday Night Virus Discomix, and Scenario Young Nation Mix. I have a playlist full of my favorite remixes that aren’t just Tribe that you can find Hereeeeee but I’d also recommend just listening to the album for yourself. It’s really good, I promise.

*But did you notice that asterisk that I put after the word ALMOST? If you did, congrats on the astute observation. It’s there for a reason, you see, to elaborate on something I said. See, this album would be absolutely perfect if it didn’t have a remix that I despise. the I Left My Wallet In El Segundo Vampire Mix. This mix is the bane of my existence, it’s so buns. When I found out that it even existed I was so excited to give it a listen. I Left My Wallet In El Segundo is one of my favorite ATCQ songs of all time, and even one of my all time favorite songs in general. On top of that, I love vampires. Vampires are awesome. So when I saw this I was like “okay, this is gonna be sick.” And I was so excited to listen. But then I did… and I didn’t like it. Me liking it isn’t the only problem, though. The problem that I have with it is that IN THEORY it should rock. It has vampire in the name, it’s based on I Left My Wallet In El Segundo, there’s absolutely no reason for this to suck. But it does, and that pisses me off. Such a nothingburger of a remix, it’s so lame.

The thing I enjoy about these remixes is how you can see the remix-er putting their own spin on the song. Like, take the Harder Better Faster Stronger remix done by the Neptunes. It’s a perfect example of The Neptunes taking this already really good song and putting their own specific spin on the music to recreate it in their style, with what they would’ve done differently. To put it in simpler terms I’m sure most of you will understand: think about it like a DTIYS (Draw This In Your Style.) Of course there is an original piece of art, but the point is to try and recreate it in your own art style with things that you would’ve done to change and put your own flair on it. It’s interesting to see how all of these different artists have their own take on a piece of artwork, what they like about the original and what they personally would’ve changed. But if your recreation of the original art piece makes changes that aren’t particularly interesting or intriguing, and even removed some interesting parts of the original piece, why even bother? Thats how I feel about that remix in particular, it’s just so bad. But my favorite remixes have to be the previously named Harder Better Faster Stronger remix done by The Neptunes, Meat Grinder remix done by Four Tet , Hold On Remix done by Kanye West, The Weekend Funk Wav Remix, This Love remix done by Kanye West, and the Richcraft remix of Why Don’t We Fall in Love. But I also appreciate remixes that are literally just an additional artist adding on a verse or two to the original song, like the remix Kanye did on Ego by Beyoncé or the remix Nicki did on Best I Ever Had by Drake. It’s great, awesome even.

I think that’s all I for today, though. I gotta say, I definitely enjoyed writing this and getting to nerd out about music more than I did the last idea I had. Solid update. This is spidey, signing out. I’ll see you when I see you!

3/18/25, Hawk Tuah, Write On That Thang!

Hello friends, friendettes, and friendxs. I've returned after only a day with another blog update. Mainly because I have a lot of more thoughts I'd like to talk about!

So, about that learner's permit test. I PASSED! The test was surprisingly easy, a lot easier than I ever would've thought it would be to be honest. But I passed, I'm going to get my permit in the mail in a few days and I'm so, so happy. Yesterday in general was awesome, I went out to eat with my family in celebration and afterwards I went to go visit some family I haven't seen in a hot minute. Great day, can't lie. Nothing much to complain about. 

Although I spent the day largely off of social media and actually Doing shit, I have a confession to make: I am showing the first signs of getting into something...

That something... is...

...POSTAL.

I tried to fight off the urges, I really did. But I'm weak, so weak. I specifically really wanna play Postal 2, and it sucks cause the game is like a dollar currently on Steam but I don't GOT a freaking dollar! So lame. Instead I had to settle for getting the original Postal instead, and I might end up playing it later. It looks pretty interesting and I can't WAIT. I used to have an interest in controversial video games which made me vaguely interested in the game, but it never really went anywhere. Now it's kind of come back in full force, good lord. It's enough to make a man want to kill himself.

***Okay hi. So little writer's interjection I had written this like two days ago to be fully honest but I forgot to touch it for about a day since I'd been busy doing jack shit yesterday. Roxy actually bought me Postal 2 the same day I wrote that. And I played it for like the rest of the day. And I loved it. Who knew I would have so much fun playing it but the library section on Tuesday is beating my ass, dude. I'll pick it up preferably after I'm no longer drowning in overdue homework to make up.

But that's enough about video games. I fucking hate video games. There was something else I wanted to talk about, which I had rambled about in my close friend group server (Hi Sugoi Sauce Squad.) It was mainly about my thoughts on smart-ness and intelligence and all that junk. So yeah. 

I like to think of myself as a kind of smart person, I know some things. I've been told that I'm good with writing and english, so I try to believe it. I am (unfortunately) one of the people who were put into gifted programs as a kid and told that I was really smart and stuff, so intelligence and being smart was hammered into me from when I was young. It definitely didn't help that I came from a family where ignorance was punished with corporal punishment and beatings, so if I didn't know something it felt more serious than it actually ever was. As if it was a moral failing on my part. And I was only like, what, 7? I don't really think it was ever that serious, but it definitely felt like it was in part due to my parents, but mostly my dad. But to not know something felt terrible, it made me feel like I was stupid and deserved every bad thing that happened to me as a result of my own ignorance. 

It kind of sucks because I've never been someone who was particularly good at Math or Science, and math is one of those subjects that if you're really good with it people look at you like you're einstein. Like, wow, you're 10 and you know y = mx + b? Superb, someone hand this kid a Nobel Peace Prize and national coverage... But instead I got stuck with being good at English and History, which I don't really think are anything too impressive to be honest. That inability for Math or Science to really click with me always made me feel like I wasn't really reaching my full potential, and I was holding myself back by not knowing or understanding. "I'm better than this," I thought. "I can do better, and I can be better."

I remember while I was staying with my auntie for a while and helping her out with her new baby, a few years back, she'd always ask me to help her write essays for her while she made food in the kitchen for her kid and everyone else who lived in the house. The essays were good, she got full marks, and she was grateful I helped her out. I don't even remember how old I was at the time, it was a pretty shitty time in my life to be fair so that's to be expected. But it always made me feel good that if I couldn't be a mathematical savant, I at least had writing to make up for it. Nowadays, though, it doesn't feel like anything special. Academic validation was always something I could fall back onto to know I was good at something, but now it's like "eh." It is what it is. I think I've become more comfortable with not knowing things and being able to admit that I'm just not knowledgeable enough about a subject, at least now that I'm older and away from my dad to a degree. I'm not really involved in those types of gifted kid programs anymore since COVID royally butt fucked me, so I guess now I know what it's like to be on the other side of the spectrum.  And while a part of me is mad at myself for not being "the smartest person in the room," it's also kind of nice to not have so much pressure on me to know everything. Maybe I enjoy having not to try as much, which is bad. I should try as hard as I can, really. I don't know, it's complicated.

But, dot dot dot, I deem a lot of my friends to be a lot smarter than me in just about everything. I don't really understand when Roxy or Rox talk about philosophy and I appreciate when Roxy (hi Roxy) dumbs it down for me to understand. But I think it's interesting to learn about from those two specifically. You ever seen those memes that are like "A BLACK WOMAN IS SPEAKING, LISTEN AND LEARN," it feels like that. Like I'm sitting criss cross applesauce on the carpet and taking in the information I'm learning but coming to my own conclusion about it. I think being friends with my friends has also opened my eyes to different medical fields I'd like to pursue. Maybe pharmacology or neurochemistry, specifically. Ever since I was a kid I always had my sights set on becoming a Psychiatrist, because I wanted to give people the help I was denied as a kid. But I think that those two fields would be interesting to pursue as a researcher. I want to make a difference in the world, I know that to be certain. And I think that learning, studying, and aiding in the creation of medicine that'd be able to provide treatment or cure certain diseases would be amazing. It'd be an actual dream come true. If I can't make an impact with my art, I want to make an impact by helping people. I really want to change people, mostly for the better of course, but I don't want to die without making an impact on someone's life, even if minute.

That's about it, I think. I'll catch you later. This is spidey, signing out!

3/14/25, People's Instinctive Travels and The Paths of Hair and Egbert

Hello! Spidey here, I ended up forgetting to continue updating after literally a week ago. I didn't know it'd been that long since I touched this thing again but now I'm in the mood to write again.

Things have been okay, I don't remember much as usual. But on the bright side I have a learner's permit test on Saturday which I have NOT studied for! Me and Danny are supposed to be studying later today, I hope all goes well with that. I love the guy, he's awesome.

But if you'll let me delve a little deeper into how I've been feeling for a moment, there are some of my friends which I miss and wanna spend more time with as of late! I have this kind of shitty habit of not being able to talk to people well in one-on-one convos or just straight up forgetting to reply to my dms. As a result, some of my friendships do crumble, which is fully my own fault of course. But I haven't talked to Rox in a hot minute, I kinda miss the guy he's cool to talk to. Oh well, one day, right?

Speaking of friends, I have been thinking about my views on friendship a lot. Especially in tandem with that awesome blog post Roxy put out, but yeah, I've been Thinking. 

It honestly doesn't take a lot for me to consider someone a friend if we're cool with each other and do interact sometimes. I consider some people to be friends who I don't know if they'd hold that same view to me, LOL. But it's mainly because if I feel I really like someone then yeah, you're awesome, BE MY FRIEND!!! (If I'm man enough to start up a conversation, anyways.) Like I recently played some games of roblox with Box, I consider him to be a friend. He's cool and funny as fuck, I loved playing games with him and Jee. But my only fear is if people who I don't talk to too often don't consider me a friend or something, I dunno.

I love all of my friends, I love all of my friends of mine. They mean a lot to my tiny heart and I'm glad that I'm friends with all of my friends. I feel like a tiny baby typing all of this out.

I've also mainly just been using my private twitter as a means of letting out all of my funny and spur of the moment thoughts, but I've been wanting to like. Get off twitter Actually. I don't like the site, it's made me discover and become mutuals and/or friends with some great people who I admire, don't get me wrong. But every day I spend on it makes me not like being there more and more, even with a 6 hour time limit on the app (I still don't know how I rarely manage to hit the time limit, it's insane to me!) So I think I'd rather focus on my Bluesky or Tumblr instead since they don't make me want to rip my own hair out. 

Speaking of hair, I got my hair done! It's been something I both like and don't like depending on my mood, but it kind of feels like my emotions have been going from big highs to big lows, I'm so dramatic I swear. Probably due in part to the fact that I've been having horrific headaches as of late which make me hate everything and everybody around me, but then they go away and I feel normal again. I've been too irritable, it's really funny the amount of small things which seem to annoy the shit out of me when they really don't matter. There's probably an underlying reason for that but I've got a job so idrc about allat rn. 

I'm getting off topic. HAIR. My feelings about my hair kind of reflect my want to change in a sense. Which like. DUH. Wanting to change your hair IS wanting to change but that's not just it. I've really been wanting to cut my hair off again, or straighten it. I have a dream of having a red and black hair that's put into a pony tail, wearing some facial piercings, and having a bit of facial hair. That's the guy I wanna be, especially when I get older. My hair is a huge part of how I express myself, the colors, the length, the type of hair I do, etc. That's why I really like doing crochet or weaves, it's like infinite amounts of customization for your hair and ways of styling it or expressing yourself to the world. Sometimes I'm feeling like keeping it curly, like I'm from the sixties trying to channel my inner Jackson 5. Other times I wanna make it straight like I'm some edgelord scene dude from the 2000s, wearing all of the dark clothing and making everything baggy. Hair is a lot of things, I love my hair. But I kind of feel like being restricted in how I'm allowed to get my hair done also restricts me fully, y'know? I can't get locs, cut it short, I'm not allowed to hair it past a certain length, I'm not allowed have colors that aren't burgundy, orange, or black. I remember wayyy back when I had rainbow cornrows done by my aunt, and I was so happy. But my mom was absolutely PISSED. It's kind of silly looking back on it since it wasn't anything too bad, but I guess the color was too Out There for her tastes. Oh well. I'd think that now that I'm older, she's more lenient about that type of stuff. But you never know with her, haha.

I wanna teach myself how to do my own hair so I have full control over it. There's so many things I could do with it I never got the chance to! I've always wanted to try a blonde fro, my mom never allowed me to though since I've not allowed to have too much blonde in my hair. But it's something I really want to try, maybe for a Rose cosplay or something of that ilk. I've wanted to do racoon tails too, maybe with a yellow and black cheetah print pattern on it. I wanna do a bats' nest, I wanna try locking my hair, I wanna try everything. There's so much I haven't done that I want to do, and I really want to just do everything before I die. I think in a way I have roxy to thank for that perspective on life, she's awesome. I mean when I was younger I never knew if I'd make it to where I am now, because everything always felt so hopeless and suffocating. But now I kind of realize that I have to keep going because I have to be the person I've always wanted to be. I wanna live my years out to their fullest and not hold back. I don't think I can go just yet, because there's still so much hair to try out.

I think that's a nice note to leave this update on. This is malik, signing out! I'll see you when I see you.

3/8/25, Roxy's Pretty Cool, Actually.

Hello! So it's been a hot minute since I've updated my blog which you can pretty much chalk up to laziness on my end. Rose and Jax and Roxy have been up my ass to update my blog and I say I'm going to. But do I? No. No I do not. 

That may, however, beg the question as to what made me decide to do it now? Well, be patient because I'm gonna tell you, asshole. The thing that inspired me was reading Roxy's pretty thoughtful blog-post today. I think a lot of her writing is pretty insightful and awesome, but this one made me smile. Which isn't something that happens when I read anything, given that I'm an emotionless robot with thoughts that don't extend beyond 'HOMESTUCK HOMESTUCK I LIKE HOMESTUCK.' Okay, jokes aside I really liked this post. It's a good post, and you can read it here. Roxy's blog is required reading in order to fully enjoy the things I talk about here. And I also just like plugging it when I can because she's my friend and I like reading her shit. [SPOILER: the topic of friendship comes up a lot on her post! Go read it now!!!] The title of today's blog post was originally going to be 'People's Instinctive Travels and the Path of John and Egbert,' but I decided to just make it an homage to my friend instead. Besides, I can use that title some other time.

Anyways, enough glaze. My life has been pretty alright since we've last spoke, or since you've last read a blog post of mine. I took the SATs, that thing I used to fear more than the plague, and it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be to be honest. Maybe it's cause I'm already pretty good with English and Reading to where the Reading portion didn't pose much of a challenge to me, but I thought it wasn't too hard. The math section did beat my ass thoroughly on any practice tests I did, but it wasn't as hard on the actual test. I think God heard my pleas to make it easier and so he did. I'm ever so grateful. Igwe has blessed me once again.

Anyways, good test. I probably should've studied in advance but that can be done next year. If I decide to retake it. 

That's about it. This is spidey signing out!